What I couldn’t understand was why
I spoke more harshly to my family than to
anyone else. It seemed no matter how hard
I tried, I couldn’t speak a kind word to them.
I criticized Gloria’s driving so much that she
nearly refused to drive while I was with her.
And I criticized her flying until she finally
decided to just sleep and let old “bad mouth”
do all the flying. The way I spoke to my children
was no better.
I didn’t want to be so insensitive, but
I couldn’t seem to help it. I had a well developed
habit of speaking harshly and
didn’t know how to change it. One day I
realized that I could hardly remember the
last time I had said something kind to my
children. That was when I decided that I
had to change some things. But how?
I asked the Lord, “How do I change a pattern
of behavior that’s been part of me for so
long?” I knew that Ephesians 4:29 said: “Let
no corrupt communication proceed out of
your mouth, but that which is good to the use
of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the
hearers.” Harsh words and criticism are certainly
not edifying and gracious. I was willing
to change this pattern, but I needed a replacement
for the things I was so used to saying.
I needed something more powerful that would
overcome the words of strife and criticism.
I found that alternative in Ephesians 5:3-4:
“But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness,
let it not be once named among you, as
becometh saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish
talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient:
but rather giving of thanks.”
The alternative to speaking ugly things is
thanksgiving. The New English Bible says it this
way: “No coarse, stupid, or flippant talk; these
things are out of place; you should rather be
thanking God.”
I realized I couldn’t speak harshly and
thank God at the same time. I couldn’t criticize
those around me if I had a thankful attitude
about them.
I immediately decided to put this principle
to work in my life. While rushing into
my son’s room one day, ready to lambaste him
about something he had done, I recognized
my old behavior pattern. I just stopped and
said to myself, The Word says this kind of behavior
is out of place, so I am going to stop and
thank God. I wasn’t nearly as angry after I
spent a few minutes praising and thanking
the Lord for him.
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